Staring at an empty cage, a zoo visitor asks, "Where are all the monkeys?" "It’s mating season," the keeper replies. "They’re inside." "Do you think they’d come out for peanuts?"
Tag: jimmy fallon
The Fabulous Friday Funnies
"He’s the kind of friend who will always be there when he needs you." –Adam Christing Guy: Your glasses can’t be bad—you just got them! Girl: Yeah, but I cheated on the eye exam, so it’s really my own fault. Guy: That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Girl: I’m very competitive.
The Fabulous Friday Funnies
I was reading one morning when my husband came in very upset and asked me if I thought he had put on a lot of weight since last winter. I asked him why he wanted to know. He groaned that he couldn’t get anywhere near fitting his jeans over his hips, much less getting them… Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies
The Fabulous Friday Funnies
Three Irishmen, drunk as can be, come staggering down the street singing Danny Boy at the top of their lungs. They stop in front of Flaherty’s house still singing. After a few minutes the window flies open and Mrs. Flaherty yells out, "Why don’t you drunken sots go somewhere else!" "Are you Mrs. Flaherty?" asks… Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies
The Fabulous Friday Funnies
10 reasons we know Santa is a man No dress sense. Never replies to your letters. The chances of getting for are nil. Beer belly. Will only commit one day a year. Obsessed with stockings. Never stops to ask for directions. Too lazy to shave. He always wears the same clothes. Only willing to do… Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies
The Fabulous Friday Funnies
"Crouching Tiger, hidden hydrant" What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards. What does Tiger Woods have in common with baby seals? They both get clubbed by Norwegians. That’s the first time Tiger Woods has failed to drive 300 yards Tiger Woods crashed into a fire… Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies
The Fabulous Friday Funnies
Since my purchases came to $19.06, I handed the cashier a twenty. "Do you have six cents?" she asked. "Sorry," I said after fishing around my pockets, "I have no cents." "Finally," she muttered, "a man who can admit it." True story I rang my plumber for a gas leak and he promptly came. After… Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies
The Fabulous Friday Funnies
Q. What do you call two straight days of rain in Auckland? A. A weekend! Q. What do you call Maoris on Prozac? A. Once we’re worriers "To promote the use of clean energy, a Swiss adventurist is going to fly around the world in a solar-powered airplane. He’s just praying that nothing bad will… Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies
The Fabulous Friday Funnies
A hallway in my house needed more light so I decided to install one of those lights activated by movement. So off I went to the lighting shop and told the helpful assistant that I needed ‘a motion detector for my back passage’. There was a pause and then she cracked up. A Zen master… Continue reading The Fabulous Friday Funnies