The Fabulous Friday Funnies

True story

I recently taught my grade 6 class a unit on government. In a follow-up test, I asked the question: "What does democracy mean?"

One very intelligent girl responded: "The freedom to elect your own dictators."

… made even funnier by the fact that she was from the Philippines.

Heard today on the ABC Radio – Brisbane about Astrology, a caller said ‘I don’t believe in Astrology, it’s probably because I’m a Gemini and we’re very sceptical!’

My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of financial difficulties. So one evening I was touched to see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolized our marriage. "With this ring…" I began romantically.

"We could pay off Visa," he responded.

Two old ladies are sitting in the cinema. One says: ‘Ouch, my leg is going to sleep’.

The other says: ‘Yeh, I know, I heard it snore’.

Two true stories

When we were first looking at the house we live in now we had our grandson, Ryan, with us. He was about 4 and the house we were looking at was just up the road from where he lives. As we were looking around inside and outside at the property, as you do, we had this wee lad tagging along behind saying "Gee this is a nice house, and it’s on sale too." Take a hint, huh?

Not long after we bought it Ryan and I were out in the garden where there is rather narrow walkway between the back of the house and a raised garden. I was musing really but said out loud "I’m sure we can make this path wider."
Having thought on the matter Ryan pipes up and says "But how are you going to move the house?"

Amazing facts

  • “Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
  • And ‘lollipop’ is the longest word typed with your right hand.
  • TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
  • No word in the English language rhymes with month , orange, silver, or purple.
  • ‘Dreamt’ is the only English word that ends in the letters ‘mt’.
  • There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: ‘abstemious’ and ‘facetious.’

What do you call a sandal wearing Frenchman?

I don’t know, what do you call a sandal wearing Frenchman?

Fellipe Feloppe

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv) , has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 – 6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of morons promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

An office technician got a call from a computer user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer needed to be brought in and serviced.

He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and I’ll fix it for you."

About ten minutes later she showed up at his door… with the electrical cord in her right hand.

"Natives on the Pacific island of Vanuatu recently apologized to the great-great-grandson of a missionary who their ancestors ate 170 years ago. Witnesses describe the conversation as ‘awkward.’" -Conan O’Brien