The Fabulous Friday Funnies

My 8 year old daughter returned to school after a week off due to the earthquake. They were asked to share their stories of the morning of the earthquake. According to her classmate, also aged 8, her father ran out to rescue the dog and the cat leaving her in her bed – where she slept through a 7.1 earthquake and subsequent after-shocks. Not sure how her father will live that one down??!!

That being the case, my daughter suggested I should have not woken her to get under the door frame – saying she would have slept through it, as well. "Yeah, right!"

Woken by the noise of the shaking and breaking glass, we turned on the radio (battery as the power was off) and tried to find a radio station to find out what kind of Armageddon we had awoken to. The National radio station was playing the Beach Boys hit …. Good vibrations

The funniest comment so far from a friend’s 4 year old grandson. "I didn’t mind the big one, but I don’t like the artichokes"! We roared with laughter which we certainly need at the moment. Another artichoke just went through.

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Cairns with my boss and several of his friends for fishing.. We’ll be gone for a long weekend.
This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I’ve been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend"…..

And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ?

We’re leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..

‘Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..’

The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife,

She does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, ‘Yes! Lots of Bream, some Bass, and a few Pike.

He said but why didn’t you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?



The wife replies, "I did, they’re in your tackle box".

A first year kid goes to school with his shoes on the wrong feet.

"Johnny", says the teacher, "you have your shoes on the wrong feet"

The kid looks up puzzled

"But Miss, these are the only feet I have"

Many years ago I was having a drink in a pub in Charters Towers a lady fellow drinker told me she was a member of the racing maternity and had a horse that had won three races in concussion.

An applicant for a job with the federal government was filling out the application form.

He came to this question: "Do you favor the overthrow of the Australian government by force, subversion, or violence?"

Thinking it was a multiple-choice question, he checked "Violence."

Truths for Mature Humans

  1. I think part of a best friend’s job should be toimmediately clear your computer history if you die.
  2. Nothing annoys more than that moment during an argumentwhen you realize you’re wrong.
  3. I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to napwhen I was younger.
  4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
  5. How are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
  6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they toldyou how the person died.
  7. I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind oftired.
  8. Bad decisions make good stories.
  9. You never know when it will strike, but there comes amoment at work when you know that you just aren’t goingto do anything productive for the rest of the day.

As I serviced an alarm system at a jewelry store recently, the saleswoman let me know that the store was having a 20 percent off sale.

"I bet your girlfriend would love it if you bought her something." she suggested.

"I don’t have a girlfriend," I answered.

"No girlfriend? Why not?"

"My wife won’t let me."

Q. Why do women like to hang around in groups of three?
A. Because 1 in 3 can read, 1 in 3 can write & 1 in 3 like to hang around with intellectuals.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left-handed people are in their right mind.

Q: What animals are on legal documents?
A: Seals!

Q: What is it that even the most careful person overlooks?
A: Their nose!

Q: Why did the student wear glasses in math class?
A: Because it helps to improve division.

Q: Why didn’t horses like Theodore Roosevelt?
A: Because he was a Rough Rider.