A father and his young son were out walking one afternoon when the youngster asked how the electricity went through the wires stretched between the telephone poles.
"Don’t know," said the father. "Never knew much about electricity."
A few blocks father on the boy asked what caused lightning and thunder.
"To tell the truth," said the father, "I never exactly understood that myself."
The boy continued to ask questions throughout the walk, none of which the father could explain. Finally, as they were nearing home, the boy asked, "Pop, I hope you don’t mind my asking so many questions…"
"Of course not", replied the father. "How else are you going to learn?"
True story of an extremely embarrassed family.
Recently, we were all gathering in a club for a surprise engagement party, waiting for the happy couple to arrive.
A strange man wearing an eye patch wondered into our area.
My 4 year old nephew became over joyed with excitement exclaiming "he’s here, he’s here, its the pirate!". Thought the entertainment had arrived.
My embarrassed sister (the 4 year old’s grandmother) humbly apologised.
The young man ahead of my father at the flower shop was taking an unusually long time to place his order.
When the clerk asked how she could help, he explained that his girlfriend was turning 19 and he couldn’t decide whether to give her a dozen roses or 19 roses — one for each year of her life.
The woman put aside her business judgment and advised, "She may be your 19-year-old girlfriend now, but someday she could be your 50-year-old wife."
The young man bought a dozen roses.
"A cardiologist now says that former Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards’ trial has to be delayed because Edwards has a life-threatening condition. Hey, don’t all husbands who cheat have a life-threatening condition?" -Jay Leno
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’
‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’
Puff! She’s gone.
‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life….’
Puff! He’s gone.
‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office after lunch.’
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
A couple of country boys driving a semitrailer down the highway come to a bridge with a sign saying: "Clearance 3.1 metres." They stop, take out a tape measure and find the truck is 3.5 metres high. "I don’t see any cops around," one says. "Let’s go for it!"
Bob moved in with his girlfriend and her enormous collection of old magazines. They took up an entire room.
"It’s me or the magazines," Bob insisted. When she refused to part with any of them, Bob left. As he told his friends, she just had too many issues.
Barry calls his boss and says, "I’m having trouble with my eyes."
"What’s wrong with them?" the boss asks.
"I can’t see myself coming into work today," says Barry.
My boss phoned me today.
He said, "Is everything okay at the office?"
I said, "Yes, it’s all under control. It’s been a very busy day, I haven’t stopped for a minute."
"Can you do me a favor?" he asked.
I said, "Of course, anything, what is it?"
He said, "Hurry up and take your shot, I’m right behind you on the 7th hole."
My friend sat down with a new client at her gym to review her application. For the question "To what do you attribute your fitness issues?" the woman wrote, "Horrendous eating habits."
"What makes you answer that?" my friend asked.
The woman replied, "I can’t spell atrocious."
When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with the Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face…
An Arab Sheik was admitted to St Vincents Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn’t be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states.
Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab.
After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman, as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & US dollars.
A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery.
His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again.
After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies.
The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab, this time, did not reciprocate with the kind gesture that he had anticipated.
He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money… however you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies".
To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins".__
Q: Why were all the ink spots crying?
A: Their father was in the pen.
Q: Why shouldn’t you throw plastic bags into the swamps in Louisiana?
A: Because the bags are not bayou degradable.
Q: How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
A: They Take The Psycho Path.