Our son Adam is 43 today. When he was five we got the dreaded question ," Where did I come from ? " back then I really wanted to tell him to wait till his Dad came home.
However the experts of the time advised explaining it all in that age group lanuage truthfully.
So I went off on " The Talk " wishing I had found him under a cabbage.
I left nothing out. when I sighed relief and thought I had done a pretty good job , Adam said " No Mum, where did I come from Sydney or Canberra ?"
Psychiatrist’s Nurse: "There’s a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible."
Doctor: "Tell him I can’t see him right now."
EVER WONDER . . .
- Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
- Why don’t you ever see the headline ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?
- Why is ‘abbreviated’ such a long word?
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
- Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
- Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?
- Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
- If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
There was a little girl who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad……..
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car.
Two skeletons used by the professor of anatomy found themselves stowed away in a dusty closet.
After several weeks of boredom one turned to the other and asked, "What are we doing shut up in here anyway?"
"Got me," admitted his companion. "If we had any guts we’d bust out of here."
A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That’s interesting." she said. "How do you make babies?"
"It’s simple," replied the girl. "You just change ‘y’ to ‘i’ and add ‘es’."
Q: What do you call a man floating in the sea?
A: Bob.
Q: What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
A: Doug.
Q: What do you call a manwithout a spade on his head?
A: Douglas.
There once was a lass named McBride,
Who ate a green apple and died.
Too late she lamented –
The apple fermented –
Made cider inside her inside
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to ‘Honour thy father and thy mother,’ she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered,
‘Thou shall not kill..’
Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
- What do you call a Norwegian in a tree? Leif.
- What do you call an Irishman sitting at the side of your house? Paddyio
- What do you call a group of Irishman sitting at the side of your house? Paddyio furniture
- What do you call a man hanging on your wall? Art
- What do you call a man sitting in your letterbox? Bill
- What do you call a man sitting outside your front door? Matt
- What do you call a man standing on the edge of the sea? Cliff
- What do you call a man with 100 rabbits up his back side? Warren
A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments.
"My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one.
"Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can’t even see my coffee."
"I couldn’t even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third.
"What? Speak up! What? I can’t hear you!"
"I can’t turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement.
"My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another.
"I forget where I am, and where I’m going," said another.
"I guess that’s the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head.
The others nodded in agreement.
"Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully – – "Thank God we can all still drive."
Q: Why was the amoeba prison so small?
A: Because it only had one cell.
Q: How is a cat drinking milk like a track star?
A: They both enjoy taking a few laps.
Q: How does the man in the moon eat his food?
A: In satellite dishes.
Q: What does the richest person in the world make for dinner every night?
A: Reservations.
Q: How do we know men invented maps?
A: Who else would make an inch into a mile?
Q: What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
A: "Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back."